22-year-old brother skips sister's wedding last-minute, leaving her without a ringbearer, years later she gets flack from the family for not wanting to attend his wedding: "His fiancée said our attendance was manatory"

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  • 01

    WIBTA for skipping my brothers wedding after he skipped mine?

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    I (27f) got married to my husband (28m) last April. We sent our wedding invites out a full year before our wedding and sent reminders 6 months before.
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    My I my brother Jacob (22m) is the youngest of 4 kids (3 girls and one boy), and my parents have always treated him like their precious gold child who can do no wrong.
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    As adults this has caused a lot of tension between us. He acts like a raging hormonal 16 year old boy. It's definitely gotten worse with his fiancé Kelly (21f) enabling his bad behavior.
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    Kelly is constantly telling him we don't appreciate him and we should be grateful to have him as a sibling. My parents think me and my sisters don't "understand" him and we don't give him enough "grace"
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    Jacob told me a week before my wedding he wasn't coming because he was going to be busy with Kelly and they were going on vacation. I begged him to come and emphasized how important it was to me he came to my wedding. My mom got involved at this point and assured me he would be there and not to worry.
  • 07
    I didn't find out until an hour before I walked down the aisle he wasn't there and didn't intend to be. I was devastated my sisters and husband had to calm me down. I had my heart set on my entire family coming and he was our ring bearer.
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    When Jacob told our family him and Kelly were engaged I was happy for him. He announced his wedding date was May 30th of this year. He emphasized we all HAVE to be there. His fiancé sent a text saying that our attendance was MANDATORY.
  • 10
    I've been debating skipping his wedding. I don't get along well with Kelly and my brother skipped my wedding. I mentioned possibly not going to my mom. and she was p ed and told everyone.
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    Now my brother, Kelly, and my parents are calling me an a hle, brat, and petty for maybe skipping his wedding. My sisters and husband agree with me I don't have to go since they didn't go to mine. But idk would I be the a hle for skipping my brothers wedding?
  • 12
    Minor update: turns out my husband isn't invited and my oldest sisters wife isn't invited either. Kelly doesn't want any spouses there since those are in her words "temporary" and she doesn't want them in any pictures. My oldest sister has decided not to attend because of that reason. (I found this out 5ish minutes after I posted)
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    R.S.V.P
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    iSoFlyyy NTA. Your brother made a choice to skip your - wedding not due to illness or an emergency, but because he and his fiancée wanted to go on vacation. You begged him to come, your mom
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    promised he would be there, and he still ghosted you until the last possible moment, knowing he was supposed to be your ring bearer. That's not just inconsiderate - that's cruel.
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    Now he and Kelly are demanding your attendance, sending "MANDATORY" texts like you're in a hostage situation, and acting like it's your moral
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    obligation to show up? That's not how respect works. Respect goes both ways. You're not being petty - you're setting a boundary after being treated like an afterthought.
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    It's also wild that your mom is more upset about you considering not going than she was about Jacob actually skipping your wedding. That double standard is exactly the kind of golden-child dynamic that's clearly been wearing you down for years.
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    This isn't about revenge - it's about not continuing a pattern where Jacob gets to do whatever he wants, hurt people, and then expect total loyalty in return. You are absolutely within your rights to skip his wedding if it doesn't feel right to attend emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. -
  • 20
    You're not a brat or petty. You're just done being taken for granted. And that's healthy.
  • 21
    ethnicman1971 u/Fun-throwaway 98 I would also think about the fact that she considers your and your sister's spouses as temporary. Maybe you consider her temporary as well. I would make sure your brother knows that you consider her temporary just like she consider's your husband temporary.
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    Birdbraned With the way the fiancee is behaving, I'd be telling mom "it'll be fine, I'll go to his next one"
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    anniemct Thank god you're here with reasonable adult advice. I, on the other hand, have started making OP a list of petty things she can to make the bride-to-be's life miserable.
  • 25
    saedgin NTA Sounds like your parents enable his behavior. Mom said he would be at your wedding and I bet she didn't get mad at him when he didn't show.
  • 26
    Fun-throwaway98 OP Nope she wasn't in the slightest bit upset he didn't come. She actually told me to "grow up" and not "cry like a baby" because he was busy. She had no care in the world he didn't come and kept telling me it was my job to be an adult (because I was older) and set an example for him.

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